Monday, May 16, 2005

Rules...We don't need no stinking rules!

There is a new “rule” for the “legitimate” media. The new rule is as follows: If you screw up a story, at least a dozen people must die.

Hey Newsweek, your magazine and/or Ted Kennedy’s car have killed more people than my blog and handgun combined. If you have been living in a news vacuum over the past few weeks, Newsweek, in an attempt to discredit our efforts in the war on terror, reported that someone flushed a Koran in an attempt to extract information from a “detainee”. Now I am no expert on this, but how on earth would flushing a book that someone considers holy, get them to talk? If I was being interrogated by, lets say, a Jehovah Witness, and they ripped a copy of the Bible up in front of me, I would be disgusted, but I wouldn’t talk. They will be the one that answers to God for doing it, not me.

Which is the correct spelling for the Koran? Is it with a Q or K?

Now, TV has slid almost to the bottom. I was watching something on Fox News, which despite this is still the best source of news on cable. A doctor was pushing his book and said that if we hear our crap hit the water, something is wrong with you. Hear the turd hit the water??? How can you hear the turd hit the water over the loud grunts and prayers promising never to eat that again? He did say that your penis was a good “dip stick” on your health. If you have trouble getting it up, then other parts of your body is having trouble getting blood too…or she is really ugly. Ok, I added that last part from personal experience. Ahhh, this is quality TV.

Of course, there is a disturbance in the force. Tonight is the last episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. I like Raymond, but….never mind. ELR is one of the funniest shows to hit the airways since M*A*S*H. I put it right up there with Frasier and Cheers.

Speaking of the force, the last of the pre-sequa-trilogy, Star Wars – Revenge Of The Sith is coming out soon. I heard that one of the rejected names was Star Wars – Beating A Dead Jedi. It is hard for someone like me to get excited about this, considering I seen the first 3 episodes (no. 4,5 & 6) when they came out in the theatre. It is hard to get the same feeling with this movie because every other movie that comes out has “ground breaking” special effects. When the first movie came out, “ground breaking” meant a new way to hide the wires or making someone on the screen disappear without making it too obvious that they just stopped the camera long enough for them to get out of the shot. Computers were these big things that took up large rooms and little Billy Gates was just getting started. The concept of a home computer was just being explored. Kids today have trouble understanding how we lived without microwaves, cell phones and computers. I kind of miss those days. Ah, the good old days when I first got a VCR and an Atari 2600 (although I think ours was a console from Sears). Before the 70’s, if a company came out with a product that had to be upgraded or replaced in a year or 2, then they would quickly die. Atari almost bit the dust because of that. Now there is a new console every 2 or 3 years. I am surprised that Sony has not come out with a PS3. Give them time.

Why did Lucas do the last 3 episodes first? Whatever his real reason, he made a mistake. If he started with episode 1, the 6th movie would not have to be his last in this series. We could see Princess Lea and Han Solo’s kids become a Jedi, and Luke’s kid is having an affair with a wookie (this would go on for a couple of episodes before we find out they are both the same sex, for the Will & Grace crowd). Episode 9 would have the first nude scene when an Ewok bears it all…ewww. I guess straight guys in France might like that. Hey, look how many Bond films there are. What are they up too, 20…21?

Enuff for now.


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